I am 47 and my boyfriend is 36 and we have been together for 2 years. After knowing each other only about a month, he came over one day and never went home. His work ethic is terrible, he hasn't kept a job more than 4 months and he currently has been out of work for 3 1/2 months. To top it all off, he moved his son into my home against my better judgement in December. Although he isn't working, he has collected thousands of dollars in unemployment yet is behind on his truck payment (that I cosigned), cell phone payment (that's also in my name), car insurance (yep again, that's in my name), and he hasn't given me any money for the expense of having him and his son live with me. He spends money like he is Howard Hughes and doesn't seem to care about that fact that I have been supporting him all this time. Everytime I talk to him about it he promises to change but always goes back to the same old thing. I have a pretty good job, I own my own home, my children are all raised and now is the time I want to plan my future and save for it. I think I should break off this relationship but always end up feeling bad for him. Am I crazy? What should I do?
Dear Cable Lady,
It's time to toss out the old TV with the metal antenna and finally get that flatscreen you know you could damn well afford!
Come on now, are you REALLY telling me you have no good reason to get rid of this guy? You racked up a pretty good shopping list of bad traits for only 2 years of this "relationship."
First off, let's look into the past. You didn't have to twist this guy's arm to move in with you after only one month of dating, which says to me that he is looking for one thing: an easy meal ticket.
I don't doubt that he cared about you, but he is clearly looking for an easy route with no responsibilities. And he's getting it.
The fault here does not lie with your boyfriend. He is what he is. You are the one who is accepting his behavior. Allowing him to stay with you is saying that his behavior is "okay" and is enabling him to be lazy and irresponsible.
You will never change this man. The only way you are going to be happy is by changing YOU and finally closing the door.
Guilt burdens all of us when it comes to finally cutting someone negative out of our lives. I could tell you one thing: he's not feeling one ounce of guilt for the ways in which he is using you, so put on that brave face and channel that strength you know is inside of you.
You are entitiled to your own happiness...but you have to choose it first.
Marisa Liza Pell
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Marisa Liza Pell, M.A., CEO of Knowledge For Living, has been advising individuals and groups for nine years.
She is known throughout the Mid-Atlantic as a gifted motivational success coach and intuitive advisor. Born with heightened clairvoyance, she intertwines this extraordinary awareness with coaching to assist her clients on every level.
Marisa's passion for the arts also fuels her work as a recognized theatre director, writer and video producer.
Marisa holds a Masters of Arts degree from Emerson College, Boston and an Bachelor of Arts degree from Dickinson College, PA.
In Boston, MA, she co-hosted a holistic and intuitive call-in LIVE radio show in association with nationally renowned healing and spiritual center Open Doors. After relocating to the Philadelphia area, she appeared on 610WIP sports talk radio, taking part in specialty talk segments, live call-ins and sports predictions. Most recently, she teamed up with Philadelphia rock station 93.3 WMMR for unedited readings on air.
Knowledge For Living was created this year to offer a combination of success coaching, intuitive advising and motivational seminars to clients so that overall well-being and balance is achieved.
She has recently teamed up with BigBreakNY.com and Creative Acting Company (NYC) to offer a new lectures series to professionals in the entertainment industry. You can read more about her lecture series in her online interview with BigBreakNY.com.
Marisa believes in making the most out of life through creative passion, which is the driving force behind her work.
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